You Can Leave Your Hat On BtVS
by irmak
Summary: Buffy and the Scoobies visit Neptune and Logan is the first one to say welcome. Takes place in S3.


It was a nice change, you know, going for a brunette this time. Well, a brunette that's much closer to Logan's age. Her resemblance to Kendall was frightening, though. Veronica would start mocking him in a heartbe- Logan had decided not to mention her name again, especially not while kissing this awesome girl and he sure as hell didn't intend to break his promise.

She talked a lot, mostly nonsense, but she was hot. What he loved the most was how she acted like Caitlin, but she was much cleverer, how she talked very highly of herself just like Lilly always had, but she sure wasn't as self-involved. Oh, thank God, she wasn't _anything_ like she-whose-name-shall-not-be-spoken, alright.

It was only their second date, but Logan thought _what the hell?_ and decided to go for second base. Well, he _had_ decided, but never actually acted on it since some psycho had fucking jumped on him. Yeah, it was as crazy as it sounded.

"What the HELL?" Thank God, the guy was a terrible thief or something, because he sure hurt himself more than Logan. _Stupid bastard_.

"_Xander_?" Cordelia looked at the stupid guy with wide hazel eyes.

"You know _him_?" Logan asked incredulously.

Cordelia didn't even hear him talking. "What are you doing, you retard?"

Xander got up and stood between Logan and Cordelia, trying to be the knight in shiningarmor, only they make their entrances with horses and not with something so obviously and clumsily stolen from the House of Flying Daggers.

"How are you, Xander?" He had changed his tone to sound more like her. "I'm okay Cordy, thank you for asking. There might be slight internal bleeding, but, never mind."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You weren't supposed to be here! This isn't what we agreed on! Are you trying to get yourself killed?" If she had tried to whisper or something, she had failed miserably so Logan had to interrupt once again.

"What do you mean 'this isn't what we agreed on'? What the hell is going on here?" Logan demanded, but no one seemed to realize he was still there.

"I thought he bit you!"

Logan panicked a little. "_Bit_? What-?"

"And you jumped off from a tree? How the hell did you getup there in the first place? You almost ripped my Valentino, jackass. And look!" Her jaw opened with deep sorrow. "There is mud on my Blahniks!" She punched the Xander guy's arm.

"Ouch. Internal bleeding here!"

"I don't _bite_ people. I don't know who- Is it that Caitlin bitch? That was only because she asked me to!"

"You weren't supposed to be here. You know it may be contagious. Where's Buffy?" Cordelia had asked yet another question but had not answered him. Logan decided to take initiative as he yanked her arm, hard. She flinched with his roughness or from beingturned on as Logan would hope.

"Hey! You better tell me what the fuck is going on here!" A smirk appeared on Logan's face before he could even thinkabout it. He was seriously good with this taking control thing. Well, at least he _was_ until he heard that high-pitched voice.

"Or _what_, tough guy?" Logan looked at the tiny girl with a stake in her hand. She sounded so challenging that his grip involuntarily loosened. Before he could make a witty remark, because he had prepared something awesome right there, Cordelia butted in.

"He's not the guy, Buffy." She gave Logan a sexy half-smile. "Well, he may be _the_ guy for me, but definitely not yours."

Logan shook his head. "Yeah, yeah. Explanation. Now."

Just as Cordelia opened her mouth, someone with a funny, funny face attacked Buffy. If Logan were a lunatic, he would have thought 'vampire', but thank God he was quite fine. Right then, almost to prove Logan's insanity, Buffy punched the guy hard and staked him right throughthe heart, turning him into dust. So maybe, _just maybe_, he wasn't as sane as he thought he was.

Buffy turned to Logan again. "See what I do to those who don't say _please_?"

"I should have bolted the minute I saw yet another tiny blond," Logan mumbled under his breath.

"Is it his _arms_?" Xander asked Cordelia, jealous. "They look really…tempting. Maybe if I hadn't stopped working-"

"Geez, Xander, stop drooling all over the guy," she spat out.

Logan had had enough with this madness going all around. "Please?" He muttered so slowly. Not that he relented or anything, he just… _Whatever_.

"Or maybe it's the chest? Is it?" Xander followed Cordelia as she took off.

Buffy chuckled at Logan's quizzical stare. "Come on. I'll tell you everything."

---

It was so fucking appropriate that they were all jammed into this small Camelot motel room, besides Xander. He muttered something about how he didn't like being ignored by Cordelia and he sure didn't forget to throw Logan an icy look before leaving. If looks could kill, Logan would bet that Xander would have still missed.

"So…so you're saying…you thought I was a…a _monster_?"

"Demon," the redhead with a laptop on her lap corrected him. Willow, as Buffy had introduced her. Logan noticed that she reminded him of Mac, but he had never thought Mac would actually remind him of anyone.

"Well, we had some information about it, so…" said Buffy_. No, she didn't look anything like Veronica_, Logan had to remind himself. Oh, he meant she-whose-name-shall-not-be-spoken.

"Information?" Logan wasn't surprised, at all. He couldn't name anyone who didn't want him dead, hurt or in jail. Including Ver- geez, he _so_ needed some balls.

Buffy was pacing back and forth in the small room, distracting Logan from Cordelia's tempting eyes which were now in fact narrowed with fury since she obviously noticed how he was checking Buffy out.

"Yeah. My sources mentioned that the demon lives in a penthouse in Neptune Grand."

"And you thought it must be Logan Echolls since murder is in his blood," said Logan with a smile that never reached to his eyes.

"Oh. No. _No_," Willow tried to comfort him.

"No." Buffy tilted her head with sympathy. _Fuck_. "It was your floor, Echolls. But we know it's not you."

"And how is that? Is it my charming personality or the recently dropped murder charges?"

"See, we don't actually care about you killing…" When Logan cocked an eyebrow Buffy paused for a second. "Or _not_ killing someone in a high school fight over reputation in a very gay for each other way."

"Nice," Logan pouted.

"What we really care about is whether you kill people for bringing your kingdom of darkness into the world."

"Although I like the sound of that…I don't. Well, I'm only mean. Not a demon."

"I found something!" Willow exclaimed, excited.

"From where, exactly?" Logan mocked with his wide smirk.

"She can Google like nobody's business." Buffy's proud response surprised Logan.

_I'm sorry, Google? Well, fuck me!_

"Well, according to this, that thing might be contagious." Willow stopped to read for a while. "_Oooh_…" She raised her eyes from her laptop to Buffy.

"So how does it spread, Will?" Buffy asked impatiently and turned to inform Logan. "We believe it's something that's only contagious for men."

"Oh, so, apparently…um, by…_sexual_ _intercourse_," Willow muttered as everyone cocked their eyebrows.

"That's so not politically correct," Buffy noted.

"So I'm off the hook." Logan smiled smugly as he stuck his chest out. "There's _no_ way I either infected anyone or am infected by someone else." He nodded his head a few times, his grin growing wider and wider. "Yeah."

Cordelia giggled dreamily as Buffy shook her head. "Oh for Christ's sake! What else, Will?"

"It says that there should be some mark on the demon's body… _Somewhere_."

Their heads turned to Logan.

"No. We know he's not the guy. No…no need for that." Buffy sounded as she was trying to convince herself more than Willow, her eyes never leaving Logan.

_Now, isn't this the most interesting night of my life!_

"Yes!" Cordelia clapped her hands. "I say he takes off his clothes. Now!"

As Logan's hand slowly reached forhis button, Buffy stopped him, blushed. "No! Cordy, we know he bleeds. The demon isn't supposed to."

Logan cursed himself for accidentally cutting his hand during the date. And he had thought he only looked clumsy.

"No, _B_, you were _told_ that they don't bleed. This-" she pointed at Willow, "is a fact."

"It's just Google, for God's sake, how much of a fact could itbe?"

"Um, you know I wouldn't tell you if I weren't sure, Buffy. I mean, it can be just 'Google' for you, but if you don't know where to look, you can't actually find anything," Willow pouted, obviously offended with Buffy's accusation.

"Come on, ladies!" Logan started to unbutton his shirt as he spoke. "I promise I won't bite." He chuckled at his own joke. "Aw, the pun not intended."

"Uh, I…I don't think this is right," Willow tried to stop.

It was two buttons down as the two sides of his collar grew apart to show the widest part of his girth. He knew he had these three girls under his spell.

_Well, maybe I am evil, after all._

They watched as the last button of his shirt was undone and he slowly slid it from his muscular shoulders. He reached for his belt without losing a second and the girls started to move nervously.

Cordelia gave him a wicked smile. "Come on, now. I'm not quite sure yet."

Logan just nodded as Willow interrupted. "I…I think we should wait for Xander…or someone."

"Come on, Will," he mock-pouted in _a _way he thought was cute. And from her gaze, he knew he was right. "Are you honestly gonna stand in the way ofme and my freedom? I plead not guilty, Your Honor."

To his surprise, Buffy never objected. It was almost like she was expecting something humiliating to show up, ruining the moment for him. She must have been thinking that Logan didn't have the balls.

_Au contraire_.

Absently he reached down to his belt buckle and carefully undid it. When he felt it fall loose, he unzipped his jeans and, hips wriggling, he slid out of them. The girls gasped in unison. It was the reindeer boxers he unconditionally lovedthat actually stood between him and his _freedom_.

Logan raised his arms as if he was surrendering"Before we continue to the full monty, I seriously think you should check for any marks, you know, on _anywhere_ you can see."

Cordelia licked her lips. "Oh, I'll check." As she got up and moved towards Logan, Buffy stopped her.

"No, Cordy!"

She looked at Logan, deadpanned. "I certainly believe you're enjoying this more than you ought to." She pushed him against the wall. "Stay there."

Buffy stood right in front of Logan, her eyes locked on his. He couldn't move, not because she told him not to, but because he was too excited even to breath.

_So this is what's wrong with me. I like them to dominate. Fuck. _

She slowly leant forward, examining his skin closely. There was nothing on his arms, shoulders, chest or abs. Well, there were clearly some nicely toned muscles, but any demon marks? Nothing of the sort.

Logan realized he was holding his breath for minutes now. Buffy was now checking his legs. She looked up.

"Take off your shoes and socks," she demanded.

Logan slowly did what he was told. "Don't think I wear my socks in bed, sugarpuss. I'm way more sensitive then I look."

Buffy glanced at Logan's bulge in his boxers as she raised her eyebrow. "Um, yeah, sensitive it is. Pathetic and probably-not-getting-any, but sensitive."

"Aaah, the sweet talk. You sure know how to turn me on."

Cordelia rose up since she obviously had had enough with the foreplay that has been going on in front of her eyes.

"Sit."

Maybe it was Buffy's voice or the look in her eyes, but she somehow managed to make Cordelia sit back. Logan was sure that she wasn't one of those girls that could be shushed that easily, so he enjoyed Buffy taking initiative about something related to him. Oh, he did love to be the center of attention.

"You." Buffy pointed a finger to Logan's face. "Turn around."

Her fingertips tracing down his back made him shiver.

"Easy, Casanova." She just _loved_ to tease him, obviously. "Nothing here. Are we convinced now?" she asked as she looked both at Cordelia and Willow.

Cordelia wasn't happy. "I don't care. I've had enough with you girls messing around with my guys," she snorted.

"Uh, we apologized. Xander and I…it was just…you know." Willow pouted again.

"Geez, Cordy. It's so not the time for your boy dramas."

"Whatever." Cordelia left the room as she slammed the door right behind her.

Logan made a little square with his hands, focusing on the door. "Aaaand, scene! Brava!"

The girls chuckled.

"So…" Willow's voice was so low that it was just slightly higher than a whisper. "Are we doing this, or what?"

Logan bowed his head. "See the spirit?" He was gently touching the waistband of his briefs. He paused for a second. "Oh, what the hell."

As quick as he slid out of his boxer briefs, the door hung open. Logan stood there, naked from head to toe, proudly presenting his skin –and every other one of his organs- to the world. Buffy couldn't manage to take her eyes off from Logan's delicates for a minute, which felt even longer, so she couldn't see who was at the door before they spoke. Willow was under the table, since she somehow accomplished both to check Logan out and duck beneath the table in a minute.

_Wait a minute. Willow messed around with Cordy's guy? Wow. She's got some balls._

And unfortunately for him, Xander was there, too. Standing right on the doorstep, his eyes widened due to the scene he had to witness.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as Cordy reached her head out to see what was going on inside. _Logan _was happening, in his all glamour. "Fuck! Cordy, you do know that size doesn'texactly matter, right?


End file.
